Round 2

On the drive to my second infusion, I felt so sick, I thought I was going to throw up right there in the car. But when we parked, my nerves calmed a little and I was fine throughout the entire thing. Today is day 3 and I am not feeling well. Nausea, headaches, exhaustion. I pretty much hung out on the couch all day while Tony did the grocery shopping, cooking, and caring for the kids. What a Father's Day. Poor guy.

My hair is also another story. As you know, I buzzed it last Wednesday. There is about 1/4 inch of hair left on my head, but it is falling out everywhere. I almost broke down in the shower today because it was gross to look at. I just couldn't get it off my hands, face, and body, no matter how much water I used. I plan on having Tony shave it off tomorrow afternoon. Plus he says there are bald patches all over the back side. Attractive.

Oh, I just can't wait to be done with the chemo. Two more AC infusions to go and I get a three week break. Then it's back to work. Ugh.

My mom, me, brother, sister, and dad at CSUSB. My brother earned his Master's degree in Social work.

Two down.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Father's Day!

The Big Shave

Here I am. I decided not to shave it all the way to avoid ingrown hairs and possible nicks and cuts. So my sister in law buzzed it with the #1 guard. Wow, I feel liberated. No longer am I defined by my hair. When people look at me, it's just me now. Nothing to hide behind. Me and my semi round head.  Matthew was a little apprehensive at first, and Peyton said that I looked cute. She then said she wanted me to have long hair again. I just had to reassure them both that my hair will grow back.

When I took off my head covering at home, they both laughed and said, "My eyes! My eyes!" I was told that it came from a Spongebob episode when King Neptune removed his crown to reveal a shiny, bald head. These kids...I'm just glad that they are so resilient. Thank you to my wonderful sis in law for buzzing my hair and styling my human hair wig as well. When I wear Keira (the name my kids gave the wig), I will share pictures. 

Right before the Big Shave

That's not the lighting. It's all my gray hairs!

Faux Hawk

Matthew really wanted me to have a mohawk, but we went with a faux one instead. He was still so happy to see it!

Getting rid of the faux hawk

$5 if you want to rub my head for good luck

Ready?

If you read my last post, you know that I NEED to watch Thor . Ahem, more like watch Chris Hemsworth in Thor. This is Matthew sporting his new Thor mask. I swear I had nothing to do with him wanting to buy it.

I'm ready for the Big Shave today. We are seeing my sister in law this afternoon at 5:30, so she can buzz it as short as possible. I am so ready for it to happen. Initially, I scheduled for Friday. But this morning I woke up to hair all over my pillow. It was totally gross. I grabbed some hair to see how much would come loose and out came a whole handful. Not just a few strands anymore. I also asked the kids if they wanted to pull on my hair to see what would happen. Both of them tried it (Matthew did it 3 times). They were a little freaked out, but amused at the same time.

Some people think I should just let the hair fall out on its own until I'm completely bald. It sounds great in theory, but you have to imagine what I'm going through. I showered this morning and there was hair everywhere. It wouldn't stop shedding. I had it all over my face and it was stuck to my body. When I tried to wash off the hair, more would come out. It was horrible. I had to bend forward to wash everything off so the water wouldn't touch my hair, or else it would just keep coming. I gently combed my hair to get rid of the strands that were already loose. You can see in the picture how much came out after I combed it.

The kids and I did a little shopping today and I tried to keep my head as still as possible. I never once touched my hair after this morning. I didn't want to leave a trail on my clothes or on the ground behind me.

It's not coming out in clumps yet, but I need to take control. It will still continue to fall out after I buzz it. At that point, I will just use a lint roller to remove any remaining hair.

By the way, AC chemo #2 is scheduled for tomorrow at 1:40. I had my blood drawn today and everything looks good, so all will go as planned. I am so not looking forward to the Neupogen shots again. My next post will show off my newly buzzed head. Remember, we're hoping for a round one.

This is what came out from gently combing through my hair this morning.  

Shedding like a Dog

Days 6-12

This past week has been pretty uneventful, in terms of my health. I have been feeling very upbeat, but super lazy. The side effects that were present the first few days after chemo have all gone away.

I noticed some shedding last night and this morning. The only thing I can relate this phase of hair loss to is when your dog sheds all over the floor or furniture. Only a few strands fall out at a time. I anticipate the big shave to happen in the next few days. Hopefully, I 'll have a cute, round head to show for it!

So, my little sister did the genetic testing and her results came back positive. She also has a mutated BRCA1 gene. Knowledge is power, I tell ya. With this information, she can be proactive in the choices she makes regarding her health. It freakin' sucks, but I hope she is empowered by this information. I was really hoping that the mutated gene started with me, but now we know for a fact that one of my parents has the gene. I can't even explain my feelings about this whole thing. I hate everything about it. Cancer sucks just the way it is, but this stupid gene mutation is making things worse.

*Sigh* On to a brighter subject. I went to the Ontario Improv to watch a show called Vagina Dialogues with a few of my good friends last Thursday. We had an absolute blast. My vice principal is the producer and it is a show to raise money for cancer. Boy, some of the jokes were D-I-R-T-Y, but soooo funny. My cheeks were still sore the following morning.

On Saturday, Cam and I went to a BINGO fundraiser for breast cancer. It was held in honor of an amazing woman I met to celebrate the one year anniversary of her double mastectomy. Afterwards, we watched Snow White and the Huntsman. Let me tell you, I am dying to watch Thor now. All because of Chris Hemsworth. Can you say "eye freakin' candy?!" Another *sigh.* That was a good sigh though.

Overall, I had a great week. This Saturday, we will be celebrating my brother's graduation from CSUSB. He's getting his MBA! Woohoo. So proud of the man he's become!

Ontario Improv

BINGO fundraiser

Oh my...Let me go get my wig.

Hair Loss Woes

Days 2-5

The last few days, I've had some minor side effects from the chemo. Slight nausea, migraines, and metallic mouth. The metallic mouth bothers me the most because I can't control it. At least with the nausea and headaches, I can take medicine. With the funky taste in my mouth, I don't even want to drink water. Plain ol' water makes me queasy, so I've had to resort to other types of drinks...iced tea, ginger ale...even my oh so loved coffee has not tasted good at all. I could be getting headaches because I'm not drinking enough coffee! I can't tell which side effect is caused by chemo or which ones are caused by the Neupogen shots, which have been stinging me like crazy. My right shoulder is also very achy. I thought it was from the port surgery, but now that I think about it, it might be from the Neupogen.

I visited Dr. Morton for my post-op yesterday. It looks like I developed some sort of allergic reaction around my incision site. Other than that, it is healing just fine. I knew it looked weird and it shouldn't have itched so much.

I had a crazy, vivid dream last night. I don't remember the exact location, maybe a graduation somewhere. As I was standing there, my hair started falling out in huge clumps, roots and all. I remember seeing all the hair come out in what looked like clip-on hair pieces. The anticipation of my hair loss is causing me to lose sleep. I feel like I am so prepared for this, yet I am beyond scared for it to happen. I have read everything there is to read about hair loss during chemo. I find myself visiting the same websites over and over again. I've even contemplated buzzing it 10 days post chemo. I need a haircut right now anyways. It's actually getting a little long. According to the doc, I have roughly 9 days of hair left. Since we are expecting a heat wave, buzzing it might not be a bad idea. But I'd still have to cover up when going out in public. Ugh, I just don't know what to do to minimize the emotional effect this is going to have on me.

Ouch, NOT!

Day One Post Chemo:

Last night was not fun. I had such a hard time sleeping. I kept thinking, "When are the side effects going to hit me? Am I feeling nauseous right now? How many hours has it been since I last took the nausea pill? Am I going to wake up with hair?" It didn't help that I had to use the restroom numerous times, probably from the tons of water that I was practically inhaling. 

The great thing was that I woke up feeling absolutely normal. Tony stayed home today, so we went to the park and rode our bikes around. I felt like a kid again! It was so much fun to be at the park on a weekday morning, with the whole family. There were no other families out there; we had the whole place to ourselves. Usually, we have to fight the crowds on a weeknight or the weekend. 

This afternoon, we tried a recipe from my new cookbook, The Cancer-Fighting Kitchen. We made Middle Eastern Chick Pea Burgers. Not as tasty as I'd hoped, but a decent and healthy meal, nonetheless. 

Ok, so Tony had to give me my first Neupogen shot today. I was not looking forward to it. I wanted to take a picture of the action, but I freaked out too much. I couldn't look away AND snap the picture at the same time. Got yelled at because I screamed before the shot. So no action shot today. It really wasn't bad at all. I'm just not used to getting a shot by someone other than a medical professional. 

One down, four more to go

The setup

The Red Devil

The Red Devil is the name used on the streets for Adriamycin, one of the meds that I received today during my 1st chemo. The nurse even asked where I learned that name from since she doesn't like to use it. Adriamycin is straight up poison. Not only is it a scary red color, the nurse has to wear a full gown and gloves to give it to me. She has to do a manual push, which means she sits there and pushes the meds into my IV, as opposed to having a drip. It took about 15 minutes. I asked her what would happen if someone touched it. The answer, "It burns your skin off." And that s*** is going in my body? Are you *&%^ kidding me? Sorry, I don't normally curse, but seriously, you can't call that medicine. 

I'm sure you're wondering how my first chemo treatment went today. I made a long list of stuff to take in my chemo bag. I even brought along my work lunch bag for water and snacks in. I think people thought I was going to stay overnight. I had so much stuff! We checked in and I felt that the receptionist was extremely nice, knowing that I was having chemo today. Then I saw my clinical research nurse (I was randomized into the control group, by the way). She went over all the possible side effects of each medicine that I would be receiving. My oncologist, Dr. Chan, came in as well and checked my lungs and heart. We talked for a bit about how I felt being in the control group versus the one receiving Herceptin. To be honest, I was a little disappointed, but Tony is happy that I won't need an extra year of chemo. The bright side is I will receive very close monitoring and beyond excellent care. 

Before I was taken into the chemo suite, my nurse had to double check the dosages on all of the medications. About ten minutes later, I was taken into the suite. It reminded me of the holding area before I go into surgery. Lots of semi-private areas with recliner chairs. I saw a few patients using those chairs. She asked me if I wanted a private room, which I gladly accepted. The private room is small with its own bathroom. 

All of the procedures were explained to me once again. She poked the needle into my port and I didn't feel a thing, thanks to the numbing cream they gave me. Then she drew some blood to make sure that it worked properly. Sometimes, the port can rotate if it's been in for too long. I was given pre-meds, Zofran, Tylenol, and Decadron. It was now time for the Adriamycin. I tried not to freak out as the red liquid was going inside of my body. The next medicine, Cytoxan, was given on a drip and that took an hour. During that time, I bossed Tony around a bit. Can you take my shoes off? Get my blanket? Get my mentos? Get my Nook? Help me to the bathroom? Get my tissues and lunch bag? Recline my chair? He didn't like it very much. 

Once the Cytoxan was done, I was free to go home. Woohoo! We had dinner at my mom's and are now relaxing at home. I felt a little tiny bit nauseated, so I took a Compazine over an Ativan. Dr. Chan said NOT to be a hero and he wanted me to take the meds as soon as I felt the least bit nauseated. But doc, I have a gene mutation, remember? I am the almighty Phoenix! 

I was given 2 anti-nausea medicines and I threw away the instructions, so I had no idea which one caused less drowsiness. Thank goodness for Google. Ativan is used for depression and comes with a whole list of side effects. They both do, actually. Let's see how I feel tomorrow morning. Tony took tomorrow off, so he can "monitor" me. Tomorrow comes with a new set of challenges. Injecting myself with Neupogen to increase my white blood cells. $300 a pop, without insurance. Tune in.

Love, 

Chinh

This is my port, right after she stuck a needle in it. 

Manual push of the Adriamycin

Red Devil

1st AC treatment, relaxing in my recliner

Waiting to be called into the chemo suite and drinking LOTS of water. I really planned on wearing makeup today (since I knew I was going to be taking lots of pics, but ran out of time this morning.) Yes, I'm vain.