It's About Time

The following post has been saved as a draft for over a year now, so I decided to publish it. 

Note that it's out of chronological order from my last two posts.

I fell far off the blogging train. Now it's time to climb back on. I finished my last radiation treatment almost an entire month ago. My check up with my radiation oncologist is on Monday. My skin looks so much better, but it is still healing. I had some horrible skin peeling and ended up with very raw skin. The doctor called in a prescription for silvadene cream, which treats second- and third-degree burns, and that helped tremendously. I've also gotten the last of my fills. My plastic surgeon saw me only twice after radiation, but he managed to give me five fills in those two office visits. My skin is too thin to be stretched any further. I want to do the exchange surgery for implants soon, but he says that it might be a few months. I have to wait until my skin completely heals from radiation.

Last week, I also saw my medical oncologist for my three month check up. I had a heart scan the week prior, and everything looked good. My heart is functioning properly! One of the side effects of chemo is heart failure, so my heart has to be checked quite often. Here is the convo I had with my doctor:

Me: So....would you consider me cancer-free now?

Doc: Well, I don't like using that term. There is always a chance of recurrence, so saying that one is cancer free means that it will never come back.

Me: Okay....how about remission? Am I in remission?

Doc: Well, remission is not a good term to describe breast cancer. It's better used for other types of cancer, like leukemia. The best cure for breast cancer is surgery, and you've done that.

Me: What am I then?

Doc: You can say this. "I have a very good prognosis, and I've done all of the preventative measures to live a long, healthy life."

So, there you have it. It's time for me to enjoy my summer that I lost last year. There are still upcoming surgeries to be concerned about, but I feel 90% myself. Let's get this party started.

A note to cancer: You sneakily came into my life and turned it upside down. I must admit, you scared the crap out of me. I lost the easy going, carefree me. I'm afraid of my future, my children's futures, my parents' futures, my siblings' futures...But in the process, I gained some knowledge of life. At 34 years old, wise I am not. However, when Death visits so early, you learn a thing or two. I learned the importance of friends and family. I learned how to cherish every single moment. I learned to laugh and love often. I learned to take things slow and be peaceful.

I learned to be strong when I felt weak. This one is a biggie. Lots of people tell me that I am so strong and brave, and how they wouldn't be able to hold up if given the same challenge. It's not that I am stronger or braver than any other woman out there. Trust me, if you had to fight for your life, your children, your family, every single woman I know would rise up to the challenge. And every single one would look great bald.

Most importantly, I learned that I cannot control every aspect of my life. Surprises happen, you deal with it the best you can, and you learn from it. You move on, you teach others, and you don't dwell. (Although I've been known to dwell in the why and how.)

So cancer, how does it feel to get your a*% kicked? -Chinh