It's a Small World

Waking up from Benadryl, I look across the chemo suite and notice a woman that looks faintly familiar. It just can't be. No way. Not in a million years. A parent? Here? Getting chemo at the same time as me?  I get up to go to the bathroom and stop by her recliner. I jump right in and groggily say, "Ms. M...?" She looks at me, confused, and says, "Yes, that was my maiden name." "I was your daughter's teacher, Miss Vo, at the time." Her reply, "Oh my gosh." I proceed to the bathroom and come back to sit with her. We catch up with each other, both hooked up to machines dripping medicine into our ports. What a sight the two of us were. The nurses laughed and said, "You found a buddy?" What a small world. I had her daughter in my class about 9 years ago.

Here is her story: Two years ago, she was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. After having a mastectomy and two months after finishing chemo, she was told that the cancer had spread into her bones. When she had her surgery, 4 lymph nodes were removed, all of which were clean. How could this have happened? How did the cancer spread when the nodes were clean? No answer there. The doctors are now just managing her disease. She said it is not curable. I guess one is never cured of cancer. All of the nurses in the unit know and love her. After all, she has been going there for 2 years now.

I was so confident that after chemo and maybe radiation, then surgery, that I'd be free of this disease. Clean. But after that somber conversation, I realize that things aren't so certain anymore. I'm actually a little freaked out over a hard area that I found on my left chest, slightly above my first incision. I hope it's only internal scar tissue, but I'm anxious to ask the onc about it on Friday. Any odd changes in my body are more noticeable now, and I lose sleep over it. Especially when it is a hard lump.

 

Here I am on a Sunday morning, no makeup to smooth my skin, brighten my cheeks, or give me eyebrows. Just plain ol' me with a little help from Instagram. Have a great week, friends. 

Zzzzzz....

If I close my eyes right now, I will fall asleep right here at the computer. I am totally exhausted. The extreme temperatures are not helping at all. My Back to School Night was yesterday and I didn't get home until 8 pm. School events are always so stressful. I have to pick up the kids, then meet Tony at my mom's so we can trade cars. He takes the kids home first, while I rush back to school and eat my dinner before the madness begins. It's always a time crunch. All in all though, I had a wonderful turnout. My new teaching partner gave me a turban that I wore last night and it received a lot of compliments! Something different from the scarves that I've been wearing.

What I'm about to say is so pathetic, I'm embarrassed to admit it. August 14th, our wedding anniversary, came and went without either of us remembering the special occasion. It hit me the next day that we both totally forgot about it. How sad, huh? I had mentioned to Tony a few weeks ago that we should go out to dinner to celebrate, but when the day came, we treated it like any other school night. Dinner. Homework. Baths. Pick out clothes. Sleep. Is it possible that we both have chemo brain???

Taxol #3 is tomorrow. Last week, I got some funky muscle aches, but it went away within a few days. Thank goodness. Oh yeah, my brows and lashes are starting to go...I find lashes in my eyes every time I wash my face now. I knew I should've tattooed my eyebrows before I started chemo. Next time you see me, don't look too closely at my brows. Brow powder doesn't look like real hair.

A message to the BRCA1 gene mutation. @&%* you. I hate everything about you.

Taxol #1

Oh, chemo...how I hate you so. So here is how Friday went:

I left early from work to meet Tony at home. I scarfed down a sandwich in the car, as we were running a little late. I met with my onc first to discuss possible side effects. The biggest thing to watch out for this time is neuropathy. Half of the people receiving this medicine will not get any at all. The other half might get various degrees of it, some lasting forever. Although I will be getting chemo every week, I only have to see him every three weeks. He shared with us that he will be on vacation soon and that he's doing a timeshare thing! Wow, I really did not know that even an oncologist finds a way to visit Hawaii the cheap way. Don't they just book the Ritz and call it a day? Student loans gotcha, huh?

Anyways, we didn't get a private room this time. The chemo suite smelled really bad too, like...chemo. It makes me queasy just thinking about it. So, I got three pre-meds: Pepcid, Decadron, and the dreaded Benadryl. They are not in pill form (like with AC). Each one is a separate bag and it goes through my port, immediately into my body. She gave me the Benadryl first, so it would wear off. Before the drip started, Tony went to get coffee and by the time he got back, I was slurring my words so badly, I couldn't even communicate. It felt like the moment before surgery when the anesthesiologist gives you sleep medicine. I was super out of it, but I couldn't sleep. Once the Benadryl wore off a bit, I was able to get some work done (had to prepare for the 1st day of school).

Finally, the nurse started the Taxol-only after giving me 15 minutes of a "test" to make sure I didn't have an allergic reaction to it. The rest of the Taxol was given over an hour. By the time I finished, it was about 5:00. I was there at 1:40. There goes my Friday.

Ahhh....Monday was the first day of school. I felt almost 100% Monday morning. Just a bit tired, but who doesn't lose sleep the night before the first day of school, right? Yes, it's my 11th year, but I still get nervous. Every single time. Especially this year when I knew I had to explain why my head was covered. I know I've mentioned this before, but it's sooooo hard to match my clothes with my hats and scarves! Ugh. With this horrible heat wave, I should just go bald. Ha!

I sent home a sealed letter to parents letting them know about my diagnosis and treatment schedule. I also asked parents to speak to their children about cancer before we have an open discussion at school. Today, I spoke to my students about it and it went really well. Some of the kids were really sweet...saying they were sorry and they hoped that I feel better. Another one said she had a neighbor that died from breast cancer. Nice...thanks, but that's not going to happen with me. I told them we are going to party like no other when I start getting some fuzz on my head.

Friday is almost here again. *Sigh* I guess it just means that the next 11 weeks will fly by, right?

Matthew's first day of 1st grade

I got a major headache after the Benadryl drip.

Almost Forgot

I have been feeling so great these last few weeks that I almost forgot about the stupid cancer. No shots, no blood tests, no treatments...until tomorrow. I miscalculated the dates and it turns out that my first treatment of Taxol is actually this Friday, not next. This means that I have to get my blood drawn tomorrow, and it also means that I might not feel well on Monday, the first day of school. Boo.

My hair is also starting to grow a tiny, tiny little bit. Not enough to be noticeable to most, but I can feel the stubble. Peyton likes to rub my head before she falls asleep. Of course, one of the side effects of Taxol is hair loss. Another possible side effect is bone and joint pain and neuropathy. Lucky me. At least this time, the onc said that I won't need Neupogen shots.

I forgot to mention that I asked my onc about radiation. I was told early on by my breast surgeon that if I got a bilateral mastectomy, I will not need radiation. However, my onc said that I will need to see a radiation oncologist after chemo, who will then make the determination. A few years back, if someone had less than 3 positive lymph nodes, radiation was not necessary. Maybe things have changed. I had 2 positive nodes, out of the 17 removed. I hear that radiation is not as hard as chemo, but it requires a daily commitment. I am hoping that I will not need it.