On to the *double sigh." I've had an insanely busy day, and I wasn't even at work today. It started with Matthew's trimester awards assembly. I dropped him off at child care and graded papers in the car, while waiting for the assembly to start. Once it was over, I rushed over to the post office to mail out Christmas cards (early for once). Then I headed to Ontario for my appointment with the radiation oncologist. Let's say that I should have brought Tony with me. I really needed an extra ear or two to decipher through all the medical terminology.
Dr. Ong is my radiation oncologist. She is caring and attentive. I was impressed that she knew so much about me and my cancer before I even met her. Days before this appointment, she met with her team of oncologists so they could review my chart and discuss the best treatment for me. Dr. Ong pulled up my pathology reports and went through each finding thoroughly with me, making sure that I understood where my cancer started, what it looked like, how it acted. I felt like I was being diagnosed all over again. Sure, I knew that I had the most aggressive, invasive kind. Invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 3. Tumor size 1.4 cm. Two positive lymph nodes. But I wasn't aware that they found some in my blood vessels. Lymph-vascular invasion present. All of these risk factors, combined with my young age and BRCA+, made me a good candidate for radiation.
She also pointed out that I'm triple-negative. If you google triple-negative breast cancers, you will quickly find that it is not a good thing. That means that Herceptin (used to treat Her2+ patients) and hormone blockers cannot be used against my cancer cells (although I am taking Tamoxifen). Chemotherapy is most effective for triple-negative breast cancers. I told her that my oncologist had my sample tested twice and both times, it came back as progesterone positive (2-3%). She said that number is so low, it's practically negative.
She then drew pictures of where the radiation beams will be hitting my body, all while explaining the possible side effects. Partially radiated lung. Higher risk of lympedema, which might involve physical therapy. Messed up skin. Tattoo marks where the beams will hit. My mind ventured off a few times because it was too much information. All of this talk about cancer again was bringing me down. I was just starting to feel good too, almost back to being myself.
Finally, she recommended that I get the bilateral mastectomy before the hysterectomy. She wants me to start radiation soon after the surgery and waiting until February or March is apparently not acceptable. Because we need to continue treatment for the cancer, the hysterectomy can wait. Makes sense, I suppose.
I left the hospital in pretty low spirits. I'm not mentally prepared to do this.
The next few hours were spent shopping for toys, toys, toys. It wasn't even fun. I was by myself and I couldn't make decisions. I suck.
The last part of my day was spent at the endodontist getting a root canal. Yeah, I really did ask him, "How do I know if I'm numb enough?" He just laughed. Never met anyone like me, huh, doc? Today ended with one last visit to Kaiser pharmacy for antibiotics.
All this, in one day. It must be my new normal. Because crazy days like this are happening more often than not.
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