Something has changed

What has changed, I'm not so sure. Up to this point, I was okay with my husband updating our family blog about this new obstacle in our life. But I realize it's not the same as hearing from me, from the person who was given this life-changing diagnosis on March 31, 2012 at 11:00 a.m. I now have the desire to  journal all my thoughts for the world to read. Perhaps it's my way of healing from within. Or perhaps I just need to unload my mind to prepare for the new challenges that the future holds. Maybe it's just a practical way to keep all of my doctor's visits organized. I don't really know. I just know that I want to do this for myself and for everyone who is willing to listen.

I will not start from the beginning. I will start with today.

I met with Dr. Morton for my lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node removal follow up. A mouthful, I know. Results came back as follows: lymph nodes were not clear, margins were clear for the invasive tumor, but he found a non invasive ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) on the outer edge of the mass. He scheduled me for another surgery this upcoming Friday, 4/20. This next surgery is to remove some axillary lymph nodes and the contaminated breast tissue. More waiting will follow. As I wait for the results of this next surgery, I am also anticipating the results from the genetic testing. If that comes back positive, I have no option but to get a double mastectomy.

Every day is different. Some days, I am content and I know that this little detour is "temporary" as a friend has told me. Other days, I feel like I'm on the other end of the emotion continuum. These days are especially hard when I am at work. Can you imagine teaching about how the Persians fought with the ancient Greeks when all you can think about is how you are up against the biggest fight of your life? Or how you will look with no hair and eyebrows?

Tomorrow brings another promise of the future, with different emotions and feelings. Funny how we didn't update our blog for 3 years because life with two kids was moving too fast. Funny how for so many people, it takes something like this for your outlook on life to change. Life has slowed down quite a bit around here.

We are scheduled to take family pictures tomorrow with a wonderful friend of mine. I can't wait to show them to you.

Tony and I will both be using this blog as a platform for sharing this life detour with all of our family and friends. Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and for keeping us close to your hearts as we find a way to keep everyone updated.

I don't know about all of you, but I like to look at pictures when I read blogs. Today's picture has nothing to do with the subject, but I wanted to show you a recent picture of Peyton. She is both sweet and sassy, as those of you who know her well will agree with me!