Scarves, Hats, and Turbans, Oh My!

I confess. I've spend countless hours trying to find the cutest head coverings ever! And I think I've found them! Peyton wanted to try on some of the scarves, hats, and beanies that I ordered. I actually can't wait to wear them! I'm sure I will be slightly more obsessed once my hair is all gone.

I called my nurse today to see if she had a date for my 1st chemo treatment. No date yet;  she told me to check tomorrow. I'm taking Monday off to get a heart scan, EKG, some blood work, and to meet with the gyno-oncologist. I also asked to have a port put it to make my infusions a little easier. I absolutely hate getting an IV. My veins are so small that it takes several pokes before they establish a good flow. Also, I'm afraid my veins will blow out once I start my weekly treatments. A port will leave a small scar, but I have so many now that it doesn't really matter. I call them my battle scars.

Tomorrow is Greek Day at my school. The school board will come by to recognize me for my 10th year in the district. All while I am fully dressed in my toga and gold-leafed headband!

It will be a mom filled weekend! Spending quality time with both grandmas on Friday and Saturday, then it's all ME on Sunday. Happy Mother's Day to all my wonderful friends and family! Let us moms be spoiled this weekend! Hint, hint, babe.

XOXO,
Chinh

Wig, anyone?

Maybe my kids do understand what is going on. Peyton told me that she liked my long hair better than the short hair. Then she joked around and said she wanted me bald, like in the butterfly book. Matthew responded by saying that he didn't want to look at me if I was bald. I told him that I'd cover my head, and he said, "Like a wig?" They both proceeded to make up silly things that I can use to cover my head and both kids were laughing hysterically in the car. If they keep up the humor, things might not be so bad!

This Friday, I visit the clinical research nurse to sign the consent for my chemotherapy treatments. On May 14th, I have an appointment to get a heart scan and to consult with a gyno-oncologist about my options after chemo.

There are only 19 days of work left this school year. That means summer is only a blink of an eye away. That also means that chemo is starting soon...

Can't wait,
Chinh

The Phoenix

The Phoenix is a beautiful, mythical bird. Not only is it Dumbledore's pet in the Harry Potter series, but it is also Jean Grey's name from X-Men. Perfect. However, I can't take credit for this one. After Tony read my last post, he immediately said that Phoenix should be my name. So there it is.

On Saturday night, I read the book Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings to Matthew and Peyton. It is a children's book that explains cancer to young ones. The book is written from a little boy's point of view about his mom's cancer. As soon as I started it, Matthew asked, "Is this book about you, mom?" I only read about half the book before the tears started coming. Tony had to take over. I think Peyton might be too young to understand, but at six years old, Matthew understands more than we give him credit for. I couldn't read his expression last night. Was he worried? Scared? He hasn't talked about it, but Peyton asked me to read the book again to her this morning.

It was such a busy weekend. We celebrated our niece's 3rd birthday today, and we also visited my cousin, who just had her first baby. Baby Emi is absolutely beautiful!!! I already want to see her again!

Boy, am I exhausted. My left shoulder aches so bad, I feel like it's on fire. I haven't even had a chance to look over the information on the clinical trial that my oncologist suggested. I had to grade 60 projects, just so they are ready for Open House. Playing catch up from work is no fun.

Chinh

One Step Forward, One Step Back

For Harry Potter fans, remember when Snape shed a single tear right before he died and Harry Potter collected it so he can go back in time and live through all his memories? I had that moment. It's roughly 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. I shed a single tear, just one. I knew I had to sit down at the computer and journal.

As the previous post stated, I had a follow-up with my surgeon at 8:30 this morning. So I thought. We went to check in to find out that Dr. Morton was in the OR today, and my appointment isn't until tomorrow morning. No freakin' way! I was so excited to get the drain out and now you're telling me, I have to wait an extra day! I could've screamed.

It was early enough that Tony and I decided to have a quiet, almost romantic breakfast at Mimi's Cafe. I really had no appetite, so I kind of picked at my food. We then headed out to run some errands, and picked Matthew up from school so we can take him to my mom's.

The genetic counselor was next on the list. I was a nervous wreck. I hate that nervous feeling you get when you're so anxious about something. I know this is cliche, but there were butterflies in my stomach in the waiting area. Why would they make you wait past your appointment time unless they had bad news to share, and they needed time to figure out what to say to you? That's all I could think about. And of course, I was right. The genetic testing came back positive. I have a mutation in my BRCA1 gene. I am missing the letter "T" in one of the sequences. Tony says if I have a mutated gene, why couldn't it have been something cool, like the X-Men? I figured maybe I could fly now. I always dreamt of being able to fly since I was a kid.

We were shocked to hear the news, but had already prepared for the worst. I knew that if the results came back positive, there would be no doubt in my mind that I would get a bilateral mastectomy and remove my ovaries. I guess I'm not out of the woods when it comes to surgery. I was referred to speak with an oncologist-gynecologist to review my options. It was almost as bad as the day we first received the diagnosis. Cancer sucks.

Before we left, the genetic counselor asked if we had any questions. We had none at the moment, but after we processed the information, we had a ton. And no one to answer them. We knew what the results meant. My brother and sister should be tested to see if they have the mutated gene. Matthew and Peyton need to be tested when they become adults. There is a 50/50 chance that I may have passed the gene on to my children. Does the mutated gene skip generations, I wonder? There is no known history of breast cancer or ovarian cancer in my family. Also, which one of my parents carries this gene? And what does that mean for them?

Well, on to my last appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Chan. We spent the next hour and a half in his office reviewing my pathology report and talking about treatment options. He really wants me on a clinical trial, and we are leaning in that direction. I have the weekend to think about it. Chemotherapy is estimated to start in about 3 weeks. Just enough time for me to get used to my short hair, and then it's gone.

I need a cool X-Men name, like Storm or Wolverine. What would a flying woman be named?

Lovingly,
Chinh

Keep the Ball Rollin'

Here is tomorrow's agenda:

8:30 Follow up with my surgeon
2:00 Meeting with genetic counselor to go over results of genetic testing
3:00 Meeting with my oncologist for the 1st time to talk about treatment

I'm glad that things are moving along quickly. A little nervous about the results from the genetic testing. Who am I kidding? I'm a LOT nervous about it.

After tonight, I will be sporting a new hair-do. Bye-bye long hair!!

Brighter Days Ahead

The phone rings and my surgeon is on the line. He asks, "Are you ready for some good news!" "Heck, yeah!" He told me that the margins were clear on the new cancer that he found! This means no more surgery. Also, of the 15 lymph nodes that he removed on Friday, only one of them had cancer in it. He referred me to the oncologist, who I should be hearing from very soon. The oncologist will then determine my treatment.

So, to summarize, the surgeon removed the original tumor (1.4 cm), along with the additional non-invasive cancer that he found. Of the 17 total lymph nodes that were removed, two had cancer. He currently put me at a Stage 2. I am anxiously awaiting the results of the genetic testing. My follow up with the surgeon is on Friday to remove my bandages and drain. I can't wait to take a shower! I weaned myself off the narcotics, and now I'm taking plain 'ol Tylenol to control the pain. I was also able to drive Matthew to and from school today. We are making some progress, people!

Happy thoughts,
Chinh

Pain, Pain, Go Away

So, I really thought that I'd recover quickly from this surgery. I was actually going to cancel my sub for the rest of the week. My body responded with, "Not so fast!" Even as I sit here typing this post, I feel a little nauseated. I've been taking the pain meds prescribed by the doctor, but not consistently. I've definitely been paying the price for that.

I'm going to take a moment and put Tony on a pedestal. He has been so wonderful (not like he isn't always amazing) this past weekend. He's had to do all the household chores, on top of caring for the children and for me. He has to give me a sponge bath, wash my hair, help me dress, empty and record my drains...the list goes on and on. Oh, and tie my hair. Let's not forget about that. My close friends, D and M, came over to visit on Saturday and they saw how Tony put my hair up. Stylish, right ladies? I love him with all my heart and I am so thankful that he belongs to me. 

Ouch, my head is spinning at the moment. I will try to keep it short. Surgery went well. My follow up is scheduled for this Friday at 8:30. I hope to get the drain and my bandages removed. As for the results, I'm hoping to hear from Dr. Morton by Wednesday.

This last weekend was quite eventful. We had a quiet Saturday, but on Sunday, we celebrated Matthew's 6th birthday. He said the only difference he felt was that he was taller! Don't you love what kids say when you ask them adult questions, like "How does it feel to be 6 years old?" I'm glad the kids enjoyed themselves, because there were moments when I had to lie down and rest for a bit. Sending hugs to all our family and friends that helped to clean up after the party.

I can't finish this blog without showing you the bracelets that D and M got me. In one of my emails to them, I was wishing for brighter days ahead. They found a gorgeous little bracelet that had a ladybug on it, which perfectly symbolizes my wish. A ladybug is a sign that there will be brighter days ahead. The other bracelet is one of friendship and it says on the back "Share hopes fears." That sums up exactly what friends do with each other. Since D and M cannot always physically be by my side, I can wear the bracelets and know that they are there with me...whether it be at the hospital, at home, or even at work.

XOXO,
Chinh