Vacation

I've been on vacation from chemotherapy these last two weeks and it's been so nice. I'm feeling great and life almost seems normal again. Tony took a week off from work last week and we went on a mini vacation to Santa Barbara. It was our first visit there and we loved everything about it. We visited all the tourist attractions. While Tony and I loved the mission, the beautiful courthouse, and all the Spanish architecture, the kids only cared about the hotel and getting to feed the ducks there. Peyton's favorite thing was the gift shop at the Natural History Museum. It's ironic she would pick the museum because she was practically scared of all the exhibits. She only liked the gift shop because she bought butterfly tattoos there. Matthew...not so sure yet. He says that he didn't really like anything except feeding the ducks, but it seemed like he had loads of fun. They sure were anxious to go home though.

I'm going back to work tomorrow, although the students are not starting until the following Monday. I'm sad because I really didn't have much of a summer. Most of my time was spent lying on the couch and not worrying about covering my head. I wore hats when I went out for short periods of time. Now I have the dilemma of finding head coverings for every day of the week. I thought about wearing a wig to work and not telling my students, but the wig thing just didn't work out. I obsessed over it and in the end, decided that I didn't want to waste money on something I knew I wouldn't wear. I have two wigs and both look totally fake. I've been pretty comfortable wearing scarves. I know this sounds stupid, but I saw recent pics of Jennifer Lopez in some pretty scarves. She tied all of her hair into the scarf and wrapped it into a bun. It looked great on her, so I decided to try it. I love the look, but can I tell you that it is so hard to match a colorful scarf to your outfit? I pretty much have to stick to solid colored clothes, otherwise everything will clash. Oh, the stress of it all. And what do I tell my students? I'm just afraid that parents will doubt my ability to teach if they know what I'm going through. I figure I'll just tell the kids that I lost my hair due to some medicine I'm taking. Most will probably figure it out. I'm not in denial, I just don't know how a teacher tells her brand new, bright-eyed students that she is fighting cancer. As a kid, I'm sure I'd be scared to hear that about my teacher and the last thing I want to do is scare my sixth graders. They're already so nervous about middle school. *Sigh* I know I will be losing sleep over this...

Here are some pictures from our last minute vacation.

I found this place on yelp and it serves some pretty amazing coffee. We had it two days in a row. Too bad the Inland Empire lacks a great coffee house like this one. 

We rented a surrey and biked along the ocean. The views were stunning, but I was very sore the following day!

Mc Connell's has the best ice cream ever. Lots of famous people have visited this little ice cream shop, including  several presidents!

Exploring downtown, while enjoying a French Press coffee!

Looks like he's having fun here!

We tried this place on State St. the first night we were there. It was featured on the Food Network by Guy Fieri in Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives. We were not impressed by the fish and chips at all.

Here, we were waiting in front of the zoo for the trolley to pick us up. 

Toenail, gone!

Before I go into the details of my last treatment, I want to start by saying that my fingernails have been discolored due to the chemo. I'm not sure about my toenails because there is nail polish on them. Well, anyhow, Peyton backed up onto my toenail today at the store, and wham! It cracked in half and started bleeding. I was so mad! It was a total accident, but that girl is pretty aggressive and she doesn't know her own strength. So now I'm wondering if my toenails are funky and weak from the chemo. How else would it have cracked so easily? I bandaged it up and I'm sure it will fall off any day now. So gross.

Not only are my nails discolored, my tongue has black spots on it. I've developed a few mouth sores, a prominent one right on the tip of my tongue. I can barely talk. The nurse gave me an RX yesterday that should help with the mouth sores.

Ahhhh....the last of the red devil was administered yesterday. It feels so good to say that I am done with this more aggressive regimen of the chemo. Although the new one will require weekly treatments, it is a totally different medicine and it should have less severe side effects. The doctor is worried about neuropathy, a condition where your toes and fingers become numb. I plan to work the entire time, only taking time off on Friday afternoons for treatments.

During the cytoxan infusion yesterday, I got a massive sinus headache. I almost asked the nurse to stop the drip because I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to tell the nurse about the pain and she had the solution: Benadryl. She gave me a 25 mg pill and it went away almost immediately. What a miracle. I wonder if Benadryl would have helped me the other times my head hurt that badly. If only I had known earlier!

My wonderful friend, D, and I went to an Image Reborn class at Kaiser on Wednesday. It was such an informative session about reconstruction after a mastectomy. Basically, there are 3 options for reconstruction: tissue expanders with implants, TRAM flap (where they take your tummy tissue to make your new breasts), and Latissimus Muscle Reconstruction (they take your back tissue for the newbies). I'd love to get a TRAM flap, but I'm not sure I have enough of a pooch. Hey, it's a free tummy tuck too. At the end of the session, several brave women who have undergone the various surgeries took their shirts off to show us the results. They all looked AMAZING! I am now confident that Kaiser plastic surgeons are just as skilled as others out there. You can barely see the scars on some of the women. They all had man made nipples as well. The nipples are tattooed on by the plastic surgeons. It's one of the last steps in the reconstruction process. One even had a beautiful man made belly button! I just cannot believe how far medical procedures have come. I've seen some pretty gruesome pictures on the Internet of women who have had mastectomies, but seeing these women in real life and up close gave me comfort in knowing that I might not look so grotesque after this is all over.

Decisions, decisions....before my mastectomy, I still have to decide between a hysterectomy or oophorectomy...

Treatment #4,
I was NOT happy here because I felt nauseous even before the infusion started.

Treatment #3

I was happy here because we brought Game of Thrones to watch!

It's Been Awhile

Yes, I know. I've been lacking on the blog front lately, but nothing new has happened. Since my last post, I've had my 3rd AC treatment. One more to go and I get a three week break. My weekly Taxol infusions will start the first week I return to work. Yippee.

My oncologist is even starting to joke around with us a bit. He called me "boring" because I am no longer a new patient and I'm in the middle of this regimen with no severe side effects. My body is tolerating the meds pretty well. My white blood cell count is always fairly high on the day of the infusions (thanks to the Neupogen).

However, I cannot wait to be done with the AC infusions. I hear that Taxol will be much more tolerable. I have not been feeling well at all. My head always hurts and I am always tired. I can't even explain the feeling. It's like the medicine went straight to my head and no where else. I get the same feeling towards the end of the actual infusion. I still can't drink plain water, something I used to guzzle down before chemo. I tried sipping some water with my Tylenol a few days ago and I spit it back up. Had to take it with Sprite instead. Just thinking about water makes me queasy.

Most days, I just lie on the couch and wait for the time to pass. I feel so bad for the kids because their summer has been uneventful. No big trips or vacations here. On the weekends that I do feel better, we try and take the kids out as much as we can. We watched Brave last Saturday and on Sunday, we took them to the Aquarium of the Pacific. We got in for the kids' price since it was after 6 pm. The place was nice and empty.

I hope that I will feel better by Wednesday, in time to enjoy the 4th. Happy 4th of July, everyone! Be safe.

P.S. Tony hasn't uploaded the new chemo picture yet, it's on the point and shoot instead of the Nikon. Here is a picture from Tony's niece's engagement party on Saturday.

Kimberly and Ha's Engagement Party-Congrats to the beautiful couple! The wig I'm wearing is made of synthetic hair, but it looks pretty real if I put a hat over it. I was even given trial shampoo and conditioner from Sephora while wearing that same wig! So I guess it can pass as real hair.

Also, is anyone else watching Game of Thrones? My brother got me and Tony into it and we just can't get enough! It's an AMAZING show. <3 Ned Stark.

Round 2

On the drive to my second infusion, I felt so sick, I thought I was going to throw up right there in the car. But when we parked, my nerves calmed a little and I was fine throughout the entire thing. Today is day 3 and I am not feeling well. Nausea, headaches, exhaustion. I pretty much hung out on the couch all day while Tony did the grocery shopping, cooking, and caring for the kids. What a Father's Day. Poor guy.

My hair is also another story. As you know, I buzzed it last Wednesday. There is about 1/4 inch of hair left on my head, but it is falling out everywhere. I almost broke down in the shower today because it was gross to look at. I just couldn't get it off my hands, face, and body, no matter how much water I used. I plan on having Tony shave it off tomorrow afternoon. Plus he says there are bald patches all over the back side. Attractive.

Oh, I just can't wait to be done with the chemo. Two more AC infusions to go and I get a three week break. Then it's back to work. Ugh.

My mom, me, brother, sister, and dad at CSUSB. My brother earned his Master's degree in Social work.

Two down.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Father's Day!

The Big Shave

Here I am. I decided not to shave it all the way to avoid ingrown hairs and possible nicks and cuts. So my sister in law buzzed it with the #1 guard. Wow, I feel liberated. No longer am I defined by my hair. When people look at me, it's just me now. Nothing to hide behind. Me and my semi round head.  Matthew was a little apprehensive at first, and Peyton said that I looked cute. She then said she wanted me to have long hair again. I just had to reassure them both that my hair will grow back.

When I took off my head covering at home, they both laughed and said, "My eyes! My eyes!" I was told that it came from a Spongebob episode when King Neptune removed his crown to reveal a shiny, bald head. These kids...I'm just glad that they are so resilient. Thank you to my wonderful sis in law for buzzing my hair and styling my human hair wig as well. When I wear Keira (the name my kids gave the wig), I will share pictures. 

Right before the Big Shave

That's not the lighting. It's all my gray hairs!

Faux Hawk

Matthew really wanted me to have a mohawk, but we went with a faux one instead. He was still so happy to see it!

Getting rid of the faux hawk

$5 if you want to rub my head for good luck

Ready?

If you read my last post, you know that I NEED to watch Thor . Ahem, more like watch Chris Hemsworth in Thor. This is Matthew sporting his new Thor mask. I swear I had nothing to do with him wanting to buy it.

I'm ready for the Big Shave today. We are seeing my sister in law this afternoon at 5:30, so she can buzz it as short as possible. I am so ready for it to happen. Initially, I scheduled for Friday. But this morning I woke up to hair all over my pillow. It was totally gross. I grabbed some hair to see how much would come loose and out came a whole handful. Not just a few strands anymore. I also asked the kids if they wanted to pull on my hair to see what would happen. Both of them tried it (Matthew did it 3 times). They were a little freaked out, but amused at the same time.

Some people think I should just let the hair fall out on its own until I'm completely bald. It sounds great in theory, but you have to imagine what I'm going through. I showered this morning and there was hair everywhere. It wouldn't stop shedding. I had it all over my face and it was stuck to my body. When I tried to wash off the hair, more would come out. It was horrible. I had to bend forward to wash everything off so the water wouldn't touch my hair, or else it would just keep coming. I gently combed my hair to get rid of the strands that were already loose. You can see in the picture how much came out after I combed it.

The kids and I did a little shopping today and I tried to keep my head as still as possible. I never once touched my hair after this morning. I didn't want to leave a trail on my clothes or on the ground behind me.

It's not coming out in clumps yet, but I need to take control. It will still continue to fall out after I buzz it. At that point, I will just use a lint roller to remove any remaining hair.

By the way, AC chemo #2 is scheduled for tomorrow at 1:40. I had my blood drawn today and everything looks good, so all will go as planned. I am so not looking forward to the Neupogen shots again. My next post will show off my newly buzzed head. Remember, we're hoping for a round one.

This is what came out from gently combing through my hair this morning.  

Shedding like a Dog

Days 6-12

This past week has been pretty uneventful, in terms of my health. I have been feeling very upbeat, but super lazy. The side effects that were present the first few days after chemo have all gone away.

I noticed some shedding last night and this morning. The only thing I can relate this phase of hair loss to is when your dog sheds all over the floor or furniture. Only a few strands fall out at a time. I anticipate the big shave to happen in the next few days. Hopefully, I 'll have a cute, round head to show for it!

So, my little sister did the genetic testing and her results came back positive. She also has a mutated BRCA1 gene. Knowledge is power, I tell ya. With this information, she can be proactive in the choices she makes regarding her health. It freakin' sucks, but I hope she is empowered by this information. I was really hoping that the mutated gene started with me, but now we know for a fact that one of my parents has the gene. I can't even explain my feelings about this whole thing. I hate everything about it. Cancer sucks just the way it is, but this stupid gene mutation is making things worse.

*Sigh* On to a brighter subject. I went to the Ontario Improv to watch a show called Vagina Dialogues with a few of my good friends last Thursday. We had an absolute blast. My vice principal is the producer and it is a show to raise money for cancer. Boy, some of the jokes were D-I-R-T-Y, but soooo funny. My cheeks were still sore the following morning.

On Saturday, Cam and I went to a BINGO fundraiser for breast cancer. It was held in honor of an amazing woman I met to celebrate the one year anniversary of her double mastectomy. Afterwards, we watched Snow White and the Huntsman. Let me tell you, I am dying to watch Thor now. All because of Chris Hemsworth. Can you say "eye freakin' candy?!" Another *sigh.* That was a good sigh though.

Overall, I had a great week. This Saturday, we will be celebrating my brother's graduation from CSUSB. He's getting his MBA! Woohoo. So proud of the man he's become!

Ontario Improv

BINGO fundraiser

Oh my...Let me go get my wig.